Mr. Clean's Adversary

I've come to a disgusting conclusion that I need a maid. This is not going to happen, but I can dream. I realized this as I was cleaning Baby Jaw's booster seat after breakfast this morning. It was as if I had stumbled upon a food graveyard. I found stale goldfish crackers, petrified cheerios and a dried up piece of grilled chicken we had for dinner last night. Sad to say, I also found a fork wedged between the back of the booster seat and the chair. As I said, it's disgusting.

I admit my house is not clean at all times. The cleanliness rating depends upon the day of the week, time of day or if I know company is coming. On a normal day, if you came to my house, you would not be able to see an inch of my tabletop. It could be covered with anything; bills, crayons, library books, cell phones, sippy cups, newspaper, play dough or the pile of things my husband pulls out of his pockets each night when he walks in the door.

There are cobwebs in every corner. Baby Jaws drools fresh slobbers on the door every chance he gets while Big Brother adds his fingerprints to the work of art . My feet stick to a different spot on the floor each day. There is usually a lone Cheerio or Froot Loop hiding under the table. You probably wouldn't want to eat off of my floor, but my kids don't mind. If Baby Jaws spots one of those deserted Cheerios, it's down the hatch before I can unstick myself from the floor to pry it out of his little hands.

I would like to have a clean house, but I'm not holding my breath. It's just one more thing I attempt to accomplish on a daily basis, but can never quite come out on top.

And frankly, I would probably be quite irritated if I came to your house and it was spotless. It would make me feel bad and ashamed of my own little pig sty. Anyway, I cannot stand seeing these perfect little families in magazines; with perfectly behaved kids playing in their white outfits on white couches sitting atop white carpet. Please! I had a brown stain on my couch after Easter that I prayed was just the remains of a chocolate bunny.

My home is far from spotless. But for everyone living in it or just visiting, I hope it is happy, fun, and full of love. It is all those things to me plus sticky, dusty, cluttered….I could go on and on, but it's time for me to go clean.