Maybe

Big Brother has become interested in talking about dying. He's obsessed with hunting and talks about shooting animals with his bow all the time. Then he talks about the animals dying. But lately, he has begun talking of people dying.

He's really only known two people who have died. His grandpa and great-grandpa (Gramps as he calls him). He still talks about Gramps a lot as if he's still here, but also knows that he died. It amazes me that he even remembers. He was barely 2 years old when that happened, but he remembers. This morning, he was telling me that when people get sick they die. I tried to explain to him that it's only when people are really sick or really old that they die. He asked me where you go when you die, so we had the heaven conversation since that's what we believe.

I guess what shocks me the most is he's been talking for a few weeks about his big brother. He makes up stories about him all the time. The only thing is, he doesn't have a big brother. He has one little brother and two big step-sisters. So this morning as he was talking about dying, he said that his big brother had died. I began wondering if he has a sixth sense about him. I've been wondering that for awhile. Let me explain.

I had a miscarriage a few months before I got pregnant with Big Brother. We have never mentioned it to him. I don't think he would understand and I don't really see the need to even try to explain it to him. I just find it a little comforting that he says he has a big brother. Maybe somehow he knows that there was a baby before him and maybe that baby was a little boy. He certainly doesn't explain it like that, but maybe.

The other reason I think he may have a sixth sense about his siblings is because of something that happened while I was pregnant with Baby Jaws. I will never forget the weekend of Thanksgiving. Big Brother, who was 2 at the time, jumped up on our bed one morning after waking up. He was loving on Mommy and Daddy and talking about Baby Brother still in my belly. He turned and said, "Baby Brother is sick." I will never forget him saying that because it completely freaked me out. I immediately had a worried feeling, but then explained to him that Baby Brother was just fine.

Fast forward to the next weekend. I had some problems out of nowhere that Saturday night and had to go to the emergency room. I was so worried that my baby was already gone. I couldn't help but think what Big Brother had said to me the week before. Maybe Baby Brother was sick and he somehow knew. It was the strangest feeling to think maybe my boys had been talking to each other somehow. Thankfully, we found out Baby Brother was just fine after a night at the emergency room.

I don't know what to think about it all. I do know that Big Brother has watched over his little brother from the beginning and I highly doubt that will ever change. Maybe, just maybe, they both have a big brother in heaven watching over them too.