Craptastic

Do you know what the definition of "craptastic" is? According to definition-of.com, craptastic is "something so fantastically crappy that it's amusing."

So yes, I literally had a craptastic evening last night...at church.

It was such a normal night, so I thought. We ate our yummy dinner of roast, veggies and biscuits. We weren't running late for once. Both the boys were being good. We got to church on time. We dropped Baby Jaws off in the nursery and Big Brother went to his class. We sat down in the pew, sang a few songs and the bible study began. It was such a normal night, so I thought.

Church was almost over. So close, yet so far away. One of our friends, who had been helping with the kids, came into the sanctuary and sat beside me. I thought he was helping in the nursery and as I heard "Had an accident and he wanted me to come get you," I thought to myself How did Baby Jaws ask for me? I was intrigued. So I followed him thinking, I know I put diapers and wipes in his backpack. What kind of an accident could this be? Baby Jaws asked for me? He says like 5 words.

Then I saw him and smelled him. Big Brother was standing in the fellowship hall bow-legged with a look of fear and disgust on his face. I realized our friend hadn't been talking about Baby Jaws. Big Brother was the one who had the accident.

I thought ok, I can do this. He's pooped his pants. It can't be that bad. I've done this many, many times. It's been a very long time since he's done something like this, but accidents happen.

I began to walk him to the bathroom praying my "Please Lord, let it be solid" prayer. Hey, I told you, I've done this many, many times before. Needless to say, my prayer was not answered so clean up was a tad bit more difficult. It didn't help that Big Brother was so uptight and freaking out about all the poop all over him.

I got Baby Jaw's backpack from the nursery and went through wipes like I was cleaning up a baby seal after an oil spill. I tried so hard not to get poop everywhere, but apparently I didn't try hard enough. I kept running into the closet in the hallway, grabbing paper towels, trash bags, toilet cleaner, and anything I could possibly find to get rid of that smell!

Then I finally saw Hubs walking to the nursery to pick up Baby Jaws. I said, "You have to go home and get some clothes!" The poor little guy was standing in the bathroom on a paper towel in nothing but his shirt. Poop was everywhere! Underwear? Check. Pants? Check. Socks? Check. Shoes? Check. Everywhere!

Another friend was in the hallway with a bottle of cleaner and I had no idea why. She kept asking me if I needed anything else, but I thought we were good. Come to find out later, she was cleaning up poop on the floor that I didn't even know existed. And today, she is my hero.

After what seemed like forever, Hubs finally came back with clean clothes. Later he told me he had stopped to chat about his bow on the way out to pick up the clean clothes. No wonder it seemed like forever! Big Brother washed his hands, got dressed and ran off like nothing had ever happened. Meanwhile, I'm in the toilet scrubbing poop off of everything, unclogging the toilet (yeah that was fun), bagging up umpteen poopy paper towels, bagging up poopy clothes and spraying anything I could possibly find to get rid of that smell!

Accidents happen, especially with little people. I felt bad that my poor friends were all blessed with the stench my son had created because it was permeating throughout the church. I really don't think there is anything that could possibly get rid of that smell. Craptastic!